I'm not going to waste these words.

So, last night, I was listening to the totally boss new The Academy Is... song and in my head, something went off.

And the sound effect was something along the lines of,

"Ding! You've just had an epiphany!"

Okay, first of all: Lyrics.

Wrote a song about a girl
I can't breathe when I'm around her
I'll wait here everyday
In case you scratch the surface
You'll never know(?) it

I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl

Last night I knew what to say
But you weren't there to hear it
These lines so well rehearsed
Sometimes I don't know it/So that I, I don't blow it(?)
You'll never know it

I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl.
I'm not in love
This is not your song
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl.

Love, love, what more could you ask for?
Love love, everyone wants to be
Love love, what more could you ask for?
Love love, Everyone has love

I'm not in love
This is not your heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl
I'm not in love
This is not your song
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl.


Okay, so here's my epiphany:

I don't care!

:]

Yep. There it is.

You know why I don't care?

This all started in Chinatown. My brother, sister, and I all went out for Chinese food. And as we're sitting and talking in this restaurant, she asks, "So what's been bothering you guys? I feel like I talk to much about my own problems and we never get to talk as a family anymore," Or something like that.

So I'm like, "Well, why not?"

And we all know what's been bothering me.

I tell her, and she starts relaying things about her experiences when I was her age. And she's like, "Oh, the drama...!"

She said something that surprised me.

"I think that you should just stop caring. Stop caring enough that you're not killing yourself over it, and just care enough that you know what your rights are to do something. In the end, people are just doing what they think is going to make them happy. If they think sex is going to make them happy, they'll do it. Money, they'll steal or make it themselves. If they want to be different, however they perceive the word to be, they'll try to make themselves that way. I think you should just let this whole situation go."

So, I'm going to.

I think that letting all of this go will make me happy. Or at least somewhat more at ease.

So Ashleigh, I hope you read this. Part of me wants you to reply, part of me doesn't. I just want you to know that I don't care about it anymore. I just want to let you know that it's what I'm going to do.

It's not forgiveness or mercy or acceptance or endurance.
It's not anger or frustration or malice or impatience.

I just don't want to put up with it anymore.

It's not my problem, and I don't have to make it mine.

I'm going to continue my personal mantra that I think will make me happy in times like this.

Things are not as fucked up as they seem.
Things are not as fucked up as they seem.
Things are not as fucked up as they seem.

It will make me happy to believe this.

So I'm going to.

I remain neutral, which seems to be my natural talent.

And that's about all I have to say. There's no glitter to this one.


I'm not in love
This is not your song
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl.


[Also, on a side note, for anyone who cares... I might have appendicitis or some other thing wrong with me. Yeah. Not fun.]