Who Will Save Your Soul?

As much as I profess to hate Jewel with every fiber of my being, I actually like this song. It helps me write. I recommend listening to it, if not adding it to some kind of epic playlist.

I'm beginning to take things in in a different way now. I don't really know what happened. Yes, I did see Tuesdays With Morrie in a theatrical production [which was DAMN brilliant, by the way...], and that probably had something to do with it.

Anyways, I've started to want to make time for myself, which is something I admit to not doing. The last time I feel like I truly made time for myself was that time that I wrote the super long blog at, like, four in the morning. I felt so accomplished, so fulfilled. And after I finish that epic feat, I get yelled at for staying up so late.

And all I could think was, "Seriously? Piano falling from the sky, much?!"

Right now, I'm making time for myself, even though I'm laying here with the knife over my head. I know the result will probably be the same as last time.

So, today was Andrew's birthday. Remember the guy? Yeah. Well, I decided since our friendship should probably parade the effing badge "Comeback of the Year", I should make him something pretty cool. I don't know... even as I drew the last Godzilla on the box, I still felt like it was lacking something I couldn't put in there, even if I knew what it was. Either way, the contents are as follows:

• Picture of Blacula with the nametag that says, "Hi! My name is: BROOM SHARD." It's an inside joke. Don't think too much about it.
• About nine of my homemade brownies...? I think he liked them. I forgot to ask if he liked mint. Oopsies.
• Orange Vitamin Water, for my Vitamin Water buddy. Again, an inside joke, so don't read into it or you might hurt yourself.
• An atrociously mushy letter that I will probably end up regretting.
  
• Loooooooooove. :D

And I think that's it... I really hope he likes it as much as he says he does.

I just tried to post a picture of it, but it ended up being ugly and not as pretty as it really was.

Anyways, he says it was the best thing he's gotten all day.

Well, Mr. Andrew. I have a message for YOU.


Your comment was the best thing I've gotten all day. So THERE. :D


It makes me feel good to give. I know that's kind of contradictory to everything else I've posted on this blog, because it's all me whining about how much giving "hurts" me. But it really does make me feel like I'm doing something. And it's unbelievable when people like it. =]

And now for the dark side.

Mwahahahaha.

My mother seems to be more concerned about my weight than I am, which makes me angry and self conscious at the same time. I mean, I guess I can understand, but it's not like I'm addicted to the TV, as she claims. She's always slipping that not-so-subtle hint in our conversations.
Always always always.


What's on TV tonight?
Oh, Food Network. They're doing a special on teen weight. I think we should watch it together.

What'd the doctor say?
Oh, just the routine. Here's the medicine. It might help if you lost some weight, too.

Why don't people like me any more?
Well, sweetie, you're changing. Physically, mentally, emotionally... physically...


I know if she reads this, she'll be offended. But this is a place for my opinions, and it's only a little sad that I have to remind myself that. And I know that she reads this from time to time, because she's always telling me how inspiring I am.

Yeah, yeah.


Who will save my soul?

I'm still a bit confused on this subject. The idea that you can borrow freely from all religions is comforting. I used to think, as a kid, "What if I like the wrong God?" Mind you, that was around the time that I started having friends who grew up in different religious standards than myself. I used to ask this little Muslim girl why she didn't eat school lunch, and the response about the "unclean meat" just completely baffled me.

But I still think that. What if I like the wrong God? What if, my whole life, I pray to the Christian trinity and when I get to Heaven, I see Confucius and Shiva playing poker at the pearly gates? What happens then?

Get ready for something that'll blow your mind.

I don't want to change my religion entirely because I like referring to myself as a Presbyterian.

Isn't that just... ridiculous?!

And when I say the word 'agnostic', everyone flocks to me with flowers that have already wilted and their wax words about their personal God. I just have to cringe. There are certain things, I believe, that people should be more open and accepting to. Religion is a prime beneficiary of such critique.

So, if I can find a word that sounds as cool if not cooler than Presbyterian that encompasses what I really believe, I swear to whatever I believe in that I'll call myself that.
[A lot of people have been throwing theist, deist, and unitarianism at me, but I have to look into it. ]

So, in a lot of ways, I feel like I could save my own soul. The very same soul that I help destroy. But there has to be some kind of conflicting force.

=/

Why am I thinking tonight? I told myself to make time to do this... God didn't. A god didn't. I just... did. What does that mean?


By the way, if I came off as preachy, I'm terribly sorry. If you read any of what I said up there, you know that's the last thing I'd want to come off as. <3